What game of game were you working on?
£1: Cellars and Crustaceans - You get a sword d6 and shield armor 1 bulky.
£2: Trailtracker - You get a shield armor 1 bulky and a sword d6
£3: Noun The Verbening - You get a pair of sunglasses, plastic fangs d6 and a tragic backstory.
£4: Beckoning of Btharolep - Your physical appearance is impossible to describe.
£5: LETHAL - You can double the size of any hole.
£6: Electric Bastionland - You are completely and irrecoverably insane.

Why was your game a failure?
1 HP: Blatant Plagiarism - Take a reinforced throwing glass and a rubberised practice bottle. You know how to throw things; if really pushed you can probably juggle.
2 HP: You kept injecting your personal politics into it - You can shut down any conversation and change the subject of any conversation to the merits of the gold standard without raising suspicion.
3 HP: The rules were too complicated - Subtract your stats from 20. You now have to roll over the result to pass tests.
4 HP: Accidentally destroyed your only copy - Given enough time you can convince anyone that their dreams are pointless.
5 HP: Over promised on crowdfunding stretch goals - You gain flight and x-ray vision… five sessions from now.
6 HP: It was actually really successful! - You are idolised by sentient creatures with less than 7 CHA.

If you are the youngest player the party is £10,000 in debt to:
Farrier and sons equine therapy centre. You take shared ownership of a miniature Shetland pony. You cannot discuss your feelings unless in its presence.